Day 184 - Happiness

It's now been six months since I went through with the decision to have bariatric bypass surgery.

I've had people ask me if I feel better.

"Better?" How do you quantify that?

For me, there are no words. I don't feel "better." I feel like a completely different person. I've rediscovered the youthful vigor I had in high school. My personality has returned to what it used to be when I was a kid (albeit a tad more cynical and not nearly as naive.) I don't physically struggle to do things now.

Over the weekend I was reflecting on how bad things used to be and how unhappy I was. I had a wife that loved me unconditionally. I had two beautiful children that were healthy. I had a home to live in and a job that compensated me well. With all those major life "things" right, I still felt wrong. I was horribly depressed because I knew how badly I looked. I knew how badly I felt. The lack of self-esteem was affecting every facet of my life.

These days, things are vastly different.

Day 148 - The Baddest Battle Yet

When I began this process, I thought I had it all figured out.

I studied the various processes for several years. Read all the statistics. I talked to friends and family that had gone through different types of weight loss surgery.

I knew there would be challenges. Ups and downs of varying degrees. I knew there would be times when I would be discouraged.

I went into the surgery knowing all this, and planning for it in the future. I was determined to maintain a positive outlook. And I did so.

I've had great success. The surgery certainly did it's part, but I've also worked my tail off to both expedite the process and set a good routine to live by the rest of my life. My attitude has remained positive, even during those weeks where the scale doesn't seem to budge. I've continued to work hard, trying to focus on doing it right instead of the results.

What I didn't plan for was the battle of complacency.

Day 126 - Hitting the Reset Button

Back in early August, when I last met with my nutritionist, he recommended dropping carbs and implementing resistance training. Since I implemented those changes in my daily routine, my weight loss has slowed to a mind-numbing crawl.

There are lots of great reasons why I seemed to have stopped losing weight, none of which are likely attributable to the change in diet. I have formulated theories from "water retention due to muscle soreness" (from the weight lifting) all the way to "I'm actually losing weight but adding muscle, making the scale stay the same."

No matter the reasoning, it was time to hit the reset button. I have become terribly addicted to seeing a new number on the scale, and the last month has been absolute hell on the psyche. Knowing that physically I'm giving it all I've got, but weighing each morning only to see nominal and sometimes negative results - well, that don't fly.

Day 104 - Halfway There!

125 days after I started my pre-surgery diet, I've lost 101 pounds of fat.

On April 26th, when I filled out my pre-op paperwork at Crestwood Hospital in Huntsville, AL, I weighed in at 441. It's the heaviest I've ever been in my life, and the heaviest I will ever be. This morning, 125 days later, I weigh 340.

That puts me at 50% to goal weigh loss. I've told myself I want to make it to 240. My ultimate goal is 220, but I'd be ecstatic if I can hit 240.

The positive changes in my life are simply too numerous to list. I don't have the vocabularly to properly express how happy I am with my new life, and how hopeful I am for the future. The mental and physical transformation has been radical.

Day 87 - We're Going to Need a Bigger Boat

A few years before I was brought into this glorious world, wild-eyed Sheriff Brody realized in order to capture the big fish named Jaws, he was damn sure going to need a bigger boat.

The quote actually says a whole lot in a few words. It shows a determination to meet the goal whilst acknowledging weaknesses and devising a new plan.

Welcome to my world.

I took about five days off from exercising to contemplate the latest changes the nutritionist recommended. That break yielded the formulation of a new plan.

New Plan: Ignore the nutritionist.

Day 82 - Altering the Routine

So I've lost 85 pounds. I'm feeling more confident. Clothes fit better. My chest is poking out a little. The ego is inflated. All-in-all life is good right now.

There's nothing better to deflate a good ego trip than seeing a nutritionist.

Now, my nutritionist is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. He believes firmly in positive reinforcement, and is the type that can just about nice you to death.

Armed with last month's log of food intake, I marched into his office full of pride and 100% positive I was doing 90% right. :-)

As it turns out, my percentages may have been a little off.

Day 77 - The Emperor's New Clothes

"Ed! I'll be there. And I'm gonna look good."

So says a disheveled Ron Burgundy in the movie "Anchorman" as he's called back into action.

That's the way I've felt recently. After rummaging through some old smaller clothes and finding inspiration in a couple of things that fit really well, I decided it was time to throw away some old fat clothes and buy a few new things.

My pants had gotten to the point where the crotch was hanging down to my knees. I had to cinch my belt down so tight that the pants were punching up around the waist. I no longer felt comfortable because of the huge legs and baggy bottom. Most of my shirts were too big. As narcissistic as it may sound, I didn't feel like I could show off my progress as well in the baggy clothes.

So with a fresh payday in hand, I went shopping.

And I was greeted with much more inspiration.

Day 71 - Never Stop Fighting...

I'm a movie nerd, and there's not much I like more than a good gangster movie. In "The Untouchables," Sean Connery plays a moxy old Chicago Cop that is teaching young Eliot Ness (Kevin Costner) the ways of the Chicago beat. One of his lessons, which is recited by Ness at the end of the movie to an extremely pissed off Al Capone, is "Never stop fighting until the fight is done."

While there's something a little pathetic and cliche to living your life by movie quotes, it's something I do think about from time to time.

So yesterday, when I logged my 80th pound lost, I remained more determined than ever to finish the job. Old John would have been trying to figure out the best meal to consume to properly celebrate another milestone. New John knew he was going to walk his ass off. And that's exactly what I did.

Day 61 - 10-year Milestone!

When I got married in September 2001, I remember being incredibly uncomfortable during the rehearsal dinner, where I was sporting a white UA polo that felt way too tight. I don't know what my weight was back then.

That same polo still hangs in my closet, having never been worn since.

Hovering around the 374 mark last week, I was real nervous about breaking what had become a solid routine of eating right and exercising to go on a week-long vacation. I mean, what's a vacation without trying out the local cuisine and lounging around? As we headed to the North Carolina coast, I convinced myself to relax, not worry about the diet too much, and just enjoy my time "off."

The week went great. I used dinner as my meal to experiment with new foods. I had protein shakes for breakfast and usually a turkey sammich for lunch. But at dinner, I cut loose. During the week's meals, I tried each of the following without any issues:

Day 50 - Attacking the Plan

All my life I've been the type that hates being unprepared. Well, that's not entirely true. I can recall many English classes where I'd wing a book report after only reading a few chapters. And then there were the Algebra classes in high school where I'd show up frequently without homework or without studying for an exam.

Ok.

So all of my adult life I've been the type that hates being unprepared. Whether it's going grocery shopping or on vacation, I like to have things organized and I like to have a clear plan.

When my daughter was born, I thought it was important to track every event. I created an excel spreadsheet and we kept it on a clipboard. We tracked every single meal, pee or poop diaper, and nap. By looking at this chart and analyzing it, we could get an idea of when she was due for a nap or a bottle. It wasn't long before we were singing along in an awesome routine.

Day 46 - Listening to Your Body

They call it transfer addiction.

It's when after a weight loss surgery, you transfer your food addiction to another task. It can be very bad. A sizable portion of post-op patients actually become alcoholics. They use alcohol to fulfill an emotional satisfaction that food gave them previously.

But it can also be very good, if you transfer your eating addiction to something healthy.

For me, it's become exercise.

If you told me three months ago that I'd be addicted to exercising, I'd have invited you back to Planet Earth.

My wife, Jennifer, has been addicted for a long while now. She's a runner, and has successfully completed several half-marathons. I've watched as her moods are sometimes dictated by whether she's able to properly exercise. I've always considered that real silly. Of course, I also ignored how my moods were just as twitchy when I was hungry.

But now I understand. Exercising is truly emotionally satisfying to me now.

Day 44 - 63 Pounds Later...

[SHAFT THEME] He's a bad mother-shutcho-mouth.

On April 26th, the day before deadly twisters ripped through our state, I made a trip to Crestwood Hospital to have my blood work drawn and other pre-op tests completed. It was that day I was given the pre-op diet instructions along with two big bags of protein powder.

I was at my heaviest weight ever. 441 pounds.

A little over two months later, and almost exactly 6 weeks after my surgery, I've lost a total of 63 pounds.

The weight, however, seems inconsequential compared to the improvements in my quality of life. I've listed those time and time again, so I'll not bore you by bloviating about them once more.

It is amazing to me, however, when I think back to how I felt just 9 weeks ago. I had a hard time getting out of bed because of joint and back pain. I struggled with stamina, often dragging ass by the end of the day.

That isn't my life any more.

Day 41 - Painful Lessons

To the majority of the world, "eating right" means one thing. To me, it means two.

There's the layman's definition, which generally means to eat healthy.

Then there's the bariatric patient's definition, which means to chew well.

Saturday for lunch I decided to grill some bone-in split chicken breasts. Many of you know that I'm a BBQ lover. I love to fire up the smoker or the grill and experiment with all sorts of different meats, rubs, and sauces.

Day 39 - Exercise - Who'da Thunk It?

The green is "protein." This is the breakdown I aim for daily.
This is a Livestrong.com chart, btw.

I'm starting to think all these so-called experts that talk about eating right and exercising to lose weight might actually be on to something.

That was sarcasm, by the way. It's a second language.

As I continue on this journey, I'm partially excited and partially embarrassed. The secret to weight loss has never been a secret. Eat right and exercise like a beast and the weight will come off.

I'm excited because I continue to be able to do the right things. The surgery has allowed me the right tools to be successful. But at the same time, I'm embarrassed that I couldn't do this on my own. The lack of discipline I had is still astonishing when I think about it. I'm not doing anything different NOW than I could have done without the surgery. I'm having to eat foods that are high in protein and low in fat. I'm having to limit my carbs and bust my ass exercising.

That's all something I should have done previously. Unfortunately I just didn't have the discipline to stick to eating right.

Day 37 - Phasing Out!

I am now in my 6th week, which means I'm in the last week of my post-op phased diet. The last four weeks of the post-op diet require me to only eat soft foods. The nutritionist freed me up to eat a little more, and I have certainly pushed the boundaries. I've eaten some chopped steak, grilled chicken, among other denser proteins and so far have experienced no significant issues.

As I put this chapter of my life behind me, and bid farewell to these restrictions, I am now forced to learn the glycemic index, as I will have to abide by a low glycemic diet the rest of my life. So here's yet another challenge and interesting learning curve.

As I've mentioned previously, the end of the sixth week also finally frees me up to start doing some resistance training. I'm thinking about joining a gym so I can start a little weight lifting. The goal here is to minimize the amount of loose flab that is likely imminent. I hope to hit the gym three times a week at lunch and use that to supplement my nightly walking routine.

Day 34 - Tracking your diet

For those of you looking for a good source to help you manage your diet and caloric intake, Livestrong.com is hard to beat. I've used it for years now and there are so many great tools that help you properly manage your diet and exercise routines.

The best feature they offer is called MyPlate, which allows you to search a huge database of foods and claim "I ate this" for each of your meals. This is a quick and easy way of monitoring nutrient and caloric intake. You can easily set goals for weight loss and monitor your actual caloric intake against recommended caloric intake to determine success on a daily basis.

It's a fantastic tool that can help you lose, and monitor your failures and successes. They also have developed wonderful apps for most of the smartphones, including the iPhone and iPad. www.livestrong.com

Since the surgery, I've not been concerned about caloric intake or anything else. I've focused on getting as much protein as possible and meeting my other critical daily requirements (milk, water, etc.) But I thought it would be interesting to once again monitor my intake, just to see how many calories I am eating a day.

Day 33 - Dads

I've been very fortunate to have so many great mentors and father-figures in my life. They've taught me the importance of a positive attitude, a determined work ethic, and respect for all - among countless other life-lessons.

My Papa was a quiet guy. He was very loving, although he never verbally expressed it. He was the type of grandfather that would say more with a quiet smile and nod of approval than any words could express. He taught me the importance of honor. Papa fought for our country as an Army medic in World War II. I was always enamored with his discipline and routine. Morning toast. Mid-morning snack of bugles and Cracker Barrel cheese. We spent lunch listening to Paul Harvey, starving for the rest of the story. Afternoon of sitting on a folding chair outside of his garage and watching traffic pass. He taught me to pace life.

Papa died in 1998 after years of bravely battling dimentia and other ailments. I have never been so conflicted as the day he passed. I was so happy he had been freed from the bindings of the world he knew. At the same time, I had lost a mentor.

I think about him daily.

---------------------------------

But this is no sad story. You see, I'm lucky enough to have some of the greatest mentors still in my life.

Day 32 - Greek Goddess of Victory

When I decided to have this surgery, there were certain goals I had in mind. Obviously the main goal is to live a longer life so I can be a better husband and father. There were lots of health reasons that dictated the decision. And then there were some possibly narcissistic reasons I chose this path. And one of those "silly" reasons was clothing. Specifically, Nike apparel.

Those that know me, know that I'm a big Crimson Tide fan. I've loved the University of Alabama since I was a child. That's where I went to college. That's where I met my wife. If I didn't live in Huntsville, which is my home, I would live in Tuscaloosa. I follow all Alabama athletics very closely, and spend exorbitant amounts of money each year attending events in T-town.

For those unaware, Nike doesn't make sizes in Super-Morbidly Obese. And I haven't been able to wear the official Nike apparel since I was in high school. Instead, I've been relegated to cheap knockoffs and Walmart gear in size "fat ass." And there's nothing wrong with that, aside from the fact that more often than not it looks terribly cheesy.

Day 30 - Oh Happy Day!

No cake for me. But this is what I would look like if I could.

Maybe it was the Lunar Eclipse. Maybe it was mother nature. It could have been the alignment of the planets. Or maybe it was the eery absence of the cicadas. Or it was just a birthday gift from the heavens.

Whatever the reason, for the third straight day, the scale has shown a weight loss! Tuesday and Wednesday both revealed a .5lb weight loss. I was so hoping that today would yield more progress and the start of the downward trend again. AND IT DID! 1lb down from yesterday. Let's get this show on the road, baby!

I can't begin to express how happy I am that the scale is moving again. Despite having read all the science behind weight stalls and other similar experiences from bariatric patients, it still sucked. Waking up every day knowing that you're doing all you can to lose weight and still not losing - that's a tough pill to swallow, even if you know that you're losing inches.

Day 28 - Would I do it again?

These are moink balls. They are the most delicious appetizer on Earth.

I'm celebrating the 4-week milestone today. Four weeks ago today I was slumbering out of the hospital feeling like my insides had been torn out. The ride home was so painful. Jennifer was trying to be easy, but I swear there are 15,000 pot holes between the hospital and home.

These past four weeks have felt like four months. But I've been so fortunate to have the loving support from my mom and dad. And I can't even begin to describe to you how supportive Jennifer has been. Without these folks, I'd be nothing. They stood by me, without pause, through the entire process and I'm so very thankful.

I had a friend tell me yesterday that I was making it look easy. It was quite the complement. It certainly hasn't been "easy." But I will say that it hasn't been as bad as I thought it was going to be.

The surgeon that I used, Dr. Edward Facundus, makes his patients go on a 2-week pre-op diet. It's all liquid, and you must drink 3-5 protein shakes a day. Those two weeks were critical both physically and mentally. Physically, it helped me dump some fat and get my liver in shape, which made the surgery both easier for the surgeon and easier for me to recover from. Mentally, however, this was the point where I had to deal with the loss of food. It's much easier to do that when you're not in pain. So I'm glad that I was prepared.

I had the question asked of me a few days ago if I'd do it again. Right now that's a tough question to answer because the scale isn't moving. I feel like I'm busting my ass trying to meet all the nutritional requirements on a daily basis, which takes a directed and concerted effort, and I'm not seeing the results on the scale. BUT, I know that it is now physically impossible for me to not lose weight. So I know the weight loss will come.

I'm able to exercise without pain. I'm able to stop taking medication for blood pressure. I'm able to get out of bed in the morning without aching. I have much more energy during the day. Food expenses are down so I'm saving money. I'm losing inches in the waistline and thighs. My feet don't hurt. I feel more confident.

So yeah. Absolutely I'd do it again. Even if those are the only results I see, it was worth it.

I have my first post-op family event coming up this Thursday - my 33rd birthday. I've decided to handle it by being an enabler. I'm going to grill some burgers and dogs. I'm also likely going to smoke some moink balls (homemade meatballs wrapped in bacon, dipped in BBQ sauce and smoked over hickory). There's not much of that I can eat, aside from maybe a few ounces of hamburger, but it will be fun feeding the family (as well as breaking in my new Weber Genesis grill and dusting off the Weber Smoky Mountain Smoker).

Thanks for all the continued support. I'm so touched by messages from near and far, and the awesome network of support provided by family and friends. It's truly been a safety net.

Weight this morning: 391 (-50lbs)

Regards,
The Vanishing Taylor

Day 25 - Learning the Ropes

This is how I look after a mile.

I'm scratching some itches and advancing in the diet a little faster than "the plan" calls for. I've been focusing on meat (to satisfy my daily protein requirement) and have incorporated some hamburger meat into my diet. I've been real careful to basically liquify everything in my mouth before swallowing, and haven't experienced any significant issues yet. So I'm real happy where I'm at right now as far as the foods I'm eating.

The great thing is that I feel normal again. I can go to restaurants with the family. I don't mind seeing other people eat anymore. Smells don't bother me. It's nice. And aside from not being able to drink with my meal and the extremely reduced quantities, I feel normal.

I'm still struggling to get into a routine as far as the meds go. I still have to take a pill for my thyroid. I also have to take two multivitamins and 4 calcium supplements a day. Right now it's all a lot to remember. That, along with 16oz of milk. 64oz of water. 80 grams of protein. I just need to get into a good routine.

The one thing that I have done successfully this week is exercise. I've walked about five miles over the last five days. My goal is to exercise five times a week. Tonight's walk with be the fifth and will push me over 6 miles for the week.

I'm able to walk a mile fairly easily. I've pushed it to a mile and a quarter without any pain. But right now I'm just trying to stay with a mile. In a few weeks I'll push it up to a mile and a half. It's taking me between 20 and 25 minutes to walk a mile, depending on how I'm feeling that day. When I'm really hoofing it I can do it in 20 minutes. I almost feel good enough to try to jog a little, but I've refrained. I'm still under doctor's order to not do anything strenuous. And dragging 390 pounds around a track at anything faster than a quick walk probably qualifies as strenuous.

Blood pressure is still good and legs are slowly feeling better. I'm not having any pain associated with walking now in the thighs. The numbness is still present, but I can deal with that.

Weight this morning: 391 (-50lbs)

Regards,
John

Day 23 - Post-Op Checkup

Now that the incisions have healed, I can swim!

Today was my first post-op checkup, and the report was great!

I'm on track as far as losing weight, despite a halt in weight loss for almost 2 weeks now. Dr. Facundus had a very good explanation for the weight loss stall. He asked me if I could "feel" like I was losing. The answer was yes. My pants are much looser and I've had to poke holes in the belt to keep me from flashing everyone around. The good doc explained this is because I am still losing weight, but I'm simultaneously rebuilding muscle mass lost from the pre-op and first phases of the post-op diet. So the scale doesn't move.

Basically, during the month of liquid diet, the body burned up glycogen and muscle mass to keep the "power plant" working. Now that food is being reintroduced, it is having to learn to burn fat again, instead of glycogen. At the same time, the muscle mass is being rebuilt due to the extreme protein intake.

So my body is doing what it is supposed to at this juncture. He said I'll start to see the scale move soon enough and that it isn't a concern.

In addition, the incisions have healed nicely. Everything is looking good.

I've had three consecutive nights of walking and while there is some discomfort in the legs, it isn't painful. I've walked a little over a mile each night while the kids run wild on the playground. It's good exercise for me and helps wear them out a little before bed. Hell, it helps wear me out before bed.

Yesterday at lunch I had some of the best fish I've ever had. It was cedar plank Tilapia at O'Charleys, of all places. I've never had cedar plank fish before but it's something I'll have again, for sure. And while it was awesome for lunch, I should not have had tried to warm it up for dinner. The fish dried out and for the first time since surgery, I experienced some significant discomfort while I was eating. It wasn't pleasant, but it only lasted about 30 minutes.

So all is well at the Taylor household.

Weight this morning: 392 (-49lbs)

Cheers,
The Vanishing "no longer has an ass" Taylor

Day 21 - The First Victory!

After being stalled out for 10 days, I finally dropped the 50th pound this morning. I hope this is a sign that this stall is over and I can begin losing again.

There are small victories everywhere at this point. My pants are loose. I'm starting to feel it in my shirts. Even my shoes fit better. I was able to get into some shorts that were previously too small.

More importantly though, the results are noticeable in my joints. I wake up every morning now without an aching back, sore knees, and agitated ankles. I can walk a mile with no discomfort, which had gotten impossible because of nagging knee pain.

And as I mentioned yesterday on Facebook, my blood pressure continues to stay low without medication. That just tickles the pee pee out of me.

At this point, the diet has turned into something closely resembling the Atkins diet - Meat, Eggs, and Cheese. Those are the things loaded with protein and so they must be the focus at every "meal." Because I can only eat ~2oz of food at a time, once I get my protein I'm not hungry for much else. Which means I've left carbs behind for the most part. I haven't had any fruit in a month or two. And veggies are an afterthought.

Now that I'm getting the daily requirement of protein, my energy level has increased. I find myself anxious to break the bonds of my lifting restrictions.

One of the things I'm still struggling with is the inability to drink with my meals. For the rest of my life, I'll have to drink 30 minutes before or after my meal. But drinking with my meal can lead to dumping syndrome, which is apparently just as nasty as it sounds. I've been very fortunate thus far to have avoided any type of reactions to foods, and I hope it stays that way. Still, the normal human within wants a sip of tea to cleanse his palate between bites.

I'm trying to get into a regular exercise routine. Last night I was able to walk a little over a mile. My goal is to try to do that 5 times a week. Once the sun begins to set and the temps drop, it becomes fairly pleasant outside again. To hell with walking during my lunch hour. It's too damn hot out there right now, and I'm still battling staying hydrated as it is.

I have my first post-op followup on Thursday with the surgeon. I don't expect any ground-breaking revelations. My incisions have healed nicely. According to the nutritionist I'm ahead of schedule with regards to weight loss. I can't imagine there is much he can yell at me about. We'll see.

Until then, thanks for following along as I become half the man I used to be.

Weight this morning: 391 (-50lbs)

Regards,
The Vanishing Taylor

Meat! Meat! Meat!

My weight has now been stalled for exactly a week. It's like the Lords of weight loss refuse to submit the 50th pound. In fact, somehow over the course of the last week I actually put two pounds back on.

So now the question becomes finding out what is causing the stop in the weight loss. Obviously it's not the quantity of food I'm eating, because that's been limited severely by surgery. So either it has to be what I'm eating (or not eating) or maybe it's just a natural thing where the body is trying to come back into balance.

Either way, I've been down in the dumps. I've felt like, because I'm such a picky eater, that nothing on the "pureed" diet menu appeals to me. That leaves me with three or four things that I'm eating over and over again.

So it was perfect timing for a visit to the nutritionist.

The report from him:
I'm getting the right amount of milk.
I'm ahead of schedule with regards to weight loss.
I've dropped 4 points on my BMI already.
I'm getting the right amount of water.
I need to place more focus on my multivitamins (admitted to not taking them everyday.)

But perhaps the best feedback I got from the visit was that I'm not coming close to the amount of protein I need daily. And it's very possible that's the reason for the weight loss stall.

But how do I get 70-100 grams of protein a day when I hate many of the "recommended" foods? I've tried blending meat, and that just ain't gonna fly for me.

I posed this question to the nutritionist, and his response was glorious.

"Meat. Baked or grilled fish. Buy some thin-sliced [cue religious harmony]Boars Head deli ham and chew real well. Eat scrambled eggs."

I cannot begin to describe how just those words made my day. Finally! Some consistency. And finally - SOME MEAT!

So last night I pan-fried some Tilapia. Not bad for my first time cooking that fish on the stove. Everything settled just fine. This morning I had what I'm calling the "protein bomb egg." It's an egg, scrambled with salt and pepper. Added some sharp cheddar cheese and some 1% milk (a trick I learned from my grandfather). It was fantastic.

So whether this produces results on the scale or not, I feel like I'm back on track with "the plan."

Weight this morning: 392 (-49lbs)

Day 14 - Has It Only Been 2 Weeks?

Today I celebrate the end of the liquid diet by errrr...ummm...having a liquid protein shake for breakfast.

Now I enter Phase 3 of the post-op diet, which consists of pureed and soft foods.

It's now two weeks after the surgery and my body has hit a weight loss stall. I've done some research and this seems fairly common. The body is confused by new foods after practically being starved for a long period of time. It's trying to figure out how to stop using Glycogen here and there and start burning fat.

I'm fairly sure I'm hampering the process by not eating enough. That's right! Based on what I've read, I'm not eating enough. Right now that's basically because of the desire to eat the foods I'm allowed to - I not haz the desire. Regardless, the past few days I've eaten less than 400 calories a day. And I'm afraid I've sent the body into panic-save-all-you-got mode. The result on the scales has been a 4-day stall at the same weight.

That's freaking frustrating. My body absolutely refuses to give up the 50th pound. I told Jen this morning that I could stay the same weight without the damn surgery. That's just frustration talking, but nevertheless it is true.

Adding to the frustration is nagging leg problems. As I've mentioned before, my outter thighs are numb. The numbness is just sort of annoying. But after standing or walking for 20-30 minutes, the numbness becomes an excruciating burning sensation. I took the boy to Toys R Us Saturday and after browsing the store for about 40 minutes I had to limp back to the car the pain was so bad.

THAT'S stopping me from exercising, which is also hampering the weight loss efforts.

I've seen two doctors about it and they both say it's likely a pinched nerve, or perhaps even a slipped disc. There's nothing I can do at this point except to try to wait it out and hope it heals.

I got frisky Saturday night and decided to advance my diet by a few days. I browned some beef and grabbed some spaghetti sauce. I pureed it together, hoping to make something appealing to the palate. Instead I brewed a concoction that resembled dog vomit, and didn't smell far from it either. A few bites and I decided to abandon ship.

Thanks to my lovely wife, I had some mashed potatoes last night that hit the spot. God bless the potato. For I'm not sure how I would have made it this far without it.

Weight this morning - grrrrrr - 392 (-49lbs)

There's no pity party being thrown here. It's frustrating by I wasn't naive enough to think this would go perfectly. I'll get it figured out and until then I'll soldier on.

Regards,
The Vanishing (albeit slowly) Taylor

Day 11 - Some Relief

It seems as if I've fallen into a routine of getting heavy sleep about every third night. Last night was the third night and I slept like a log. The only thing I remember is rolling over every once in awhile because some body part had fallen asleep.

I'm in the same mindset I was in about a week ago - ready for the next phase. Starting Tuesday I can begin incorporating a mush diet. Foods have to be the consistency of baby food. It doesn't really sound that appealing, but I'm ready for something more than soup.

The hard part right now is that I feel healed. Thus, I feel hungry. The first week I hurt, and didn't have much of an appetite. I've had absolutely no negative experiences up to this point, and I'm ready to push forward a bit.

Today's Meals:
Breakfast - Carnation Instant with 1% milk
Lunch - Cream of Potato Soup
Supper - Stew, strained of all veggies (just the juice)
Snack (at some point) - Sugar-free pudding.

My mindset today is much better. I must really scowl when I'm in a bad mood. Never really realized that. But people are so much more responsive to me when I'm feeling good. This morning I had about 4 different strangers speak to me throughout the grocery store. It's amazing the difference a day makes.

Yesterday was the 1-month anniversary of the start of the liquid diet. It's a mean way to lose weight, but it's pretty hard to argue with the results. 46lbs in 30 days. 25lbs of the lost weight was before surgery.

I'd just like to say thanks once again to everyone who has been supportive. I've heard from so many classmates from Walnut Grove and Hazel Green, among other friends I've made over the years. Knowing I have people out there that are pulling for me helps more than words can describe.

Regards,
The Vanishing Taylor

Weight this morning: 393 (-48lbs)

Day 10 - Rough Day

I'm struggling with insomnia. I'm not sure at this time if it's due to the lack of nutrients for so long, or if this is just my body going through changes. Either way, it sucks.

The numbness in my thighs is becoming very annoying and even painful at points.

My job stability has been shaken in the last day or so. I work for a government contractor, and the programs I work for may or may not receive enough money to keep us funded after September.

In addition to that, we were rudely awakened last night by a sudden change in pressure in the house and wicked roaring wind outside. We could hear trees coming down all around us. Jen bolted out of bed to get the kids while I inspected (like a genius.)

All the meteorologists claim it was straight-line winds. But you'll never convince me that it wasn't a small tornado. One of our neighbors lost about a dozen legacy trees. Simply uprooted. Sounded like a train. No joke.

That event transpired at 12:45 AM. Needless to say I didn't sleep the rest of the night.

All of this, coupled with the fact that my hunger has finally returned, has made for a very stressful day. And of course now I can't turn toward food to fill my emotional needs. So today has sucked.

 And on top of all this crap, my weight stayed the same for the first time in almost a month. I'm sure it is the sudden introduction of sodium into my diet after not having any for so long.

I know this process isn't going to be perfect and there will be ups and downs. Today would classified as the latter.

But as Scarlett says, "Tomorrow is another day."

Weight this morning: 395 (-46lbs)

Day 9 - Righting the Ship

In 1999, while I was at the University of Alabama, I was hired as a web content manager by Randall Publishing. My boss, who would later become a lifelong friend, was a wily Australian named Darryl King. He was fresh off the boat. Really nice, witty, and sometimes misunderstood guy.

I would eventually become business partners with him in an upstart web development business. I left UA with 5 classes incomplete to start the business. Throughout our relationship over the years, he preached an unorthodox message of "writing your life's story." I always thought it was sort of stupid, after all God would determine where I went and what I did, right? Nevertheless, he stayed on me until I sat down and halfheartedly wrote some outlandish life goals.

It wasn't until 2008 that it all clicked. I wasn't happy with my life, despite having an awesome family, loyal friends, and a job that was secure.

It was truly time for me to write my life's story.

I identified the things in my life I wanted to change.

1. Finish my degree - Leaving UA without a degree was haunting me. I knew it was stupid to be so close and not "put the icing on the cake," as my wise grandfather might say.
2. Lose weight at all costs - My struggles have been fairly well documented in the last few days
3. Get back into church - I have had some bad experiences with church "family." I pray daily, have been saved, and try to live right. But I miss being part of a real church family.

Just like that, the "Taylor Improvement Plan" was born.

In the fall of 2009 I went back to school at UA. The first semester I was able to complete remotely through correspondence courses. But the second semester required me to travel to Tuscaloosa once a week for the entire semester. In May of 2010, I finally graduated. It was the first weight off my shoulders.

Obviously, the second chapter of improvement is now underway.

Soon we will be looking for a new church family to join. One that doesn't bicker and nitpick. One that just wants to worship the Lord and look after their brethren.

On Monday, I decided to expand the improvement plan by an additional chapter. I want to learn to play an instrument. Either the acoustic guitar or the banjo. I'm leaning toward the Banjo right now. As soon as I gain a little more range of motion, I'm going to try to find someone who gives lessons.

Have you written your life story? Are there things in your life you want to change?

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Now for the personal update.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would enjoy Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding as much as I did yesterday. That, coupled with some potato soup last night made for a nice change of pace from the Phase 1 clear liquid diet.

Right now I'm struggling to get enough protein. The nutritionist has recommended I intake 100gr of protein a day. Right now I'm struggling to see how that is mathematically possible given the limited quantities I can intake at a time. I'll eventually figure it all out.

In addition, I was finally able to get a little rest last night. Restless nights Sunday and Monday had my ass dragging by yesterday evening.

Blood pressure continues to be laughingly low. I had a blow up on the kids last night and thought it would be a good time to check it just to see if it had risen because of the incident. 112/72. :-)

Weight this morning: 395 (-46lb)

And last but not least, here is a video of one of my new favorite bands and one of their best songs. Stupid video, but great song. Hope you enjoy.

Day 8 - Taylor's Theory of Consequence

There were a lot of people in my life that didn't agree with my decision to have this surgery. So much so, that about a month after I made the decision to have the procedure, I simply stopped talking about it to people. Everyone had a wife's brother's cousin who had complications. Or some just thought I should toughen up and exercise to drop the weight.

Support wasn't necessarily through the roof, despite my studying the percentages and risks for nearly 3 years.

Here is my reasoning:

1.) Quality of life - My quality of life was at an all time low. I couldn't exercise because of joint pain and two blown out knees. Back pain was a daily issue. I struggled to get out of bed in the mornings. Yard work was a chore to physically complete. My job, which consists of mostly brain work behind a desk, would drain me so much physically that I struggled to stay up past 8pm. My mood swings were horrible.

Physically, I was a mess..

2.) Family history - In 2006 I watched helplessly as my dad laid in the Critical Care Unit of Huntsville Hospital, totally incapacitated and white as a corpse. He had some shortness of breath days before. The doctors did an arteriogram and my father died on the table. They were able to shock him to get his heart restarted, and a day later he had triple bypass. His left artery (the widow-maker) was 99% clogged. Had he had a heart attack, he would have died on the spot.

And he's certainly not the only person in my family with a history of heart disease. Basically every male over 60 has experienced heart issues.

In short, I was convinced I would die early because of heart disease brought on by super morbid obesity.

3.) Discipline - I don't have it. At least I don't have it without the presence of immediate consequence, thus the name of today's blog. With a diet, you can cheat a little here and there and not have to worry about a consequence, except maybe a little gain in your weight. The bigger consequence - death - is not immediate. "So what if I have a cheeseburger for lunch. It's not like it's going to kill me today."

When the threat of consequence is immediate, I have no issues with discipline. And with this procedure, death or serious debilitation is an immediate consequence to a bad food decision.

4.) My kids - The thought of my kids growing up without my mentor-ship shook me to the very foundation. I want to live long enough to watch them achieve their milestones and have a positive effect on their lives. I want to be fit enough to play with them for hours. I want to live long enough to share the values I've been taught by multiple generations of my family.

But most importantly, I want to set an example for them. I don't want them to end up with an obesity problem and have the struggles that I've had.

All of these realizations, coupled with years of failed diets led me to a point of equal parts desperation and hope.

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I'm still not totally convinced I've made the right decision, especially when I think about never being able to eat my mom's excruciatingly delicious homemade chocolate pie.

But I did what I thought was best, have no regrets, and now all I can do is try to prove the naysayers wrong.

Weight this morning: 396 (-45lbs)

Happy Phase 2 day to me! I will be celebrating with cream of potato soup and chocolate pudding all day.

More pics when I hit 390.

Cheers,
John

Day 7 - Getting Back To Normal

I'm back at work today. I'm going to try to work for awhile and see how long I can last.

One of the things about the first week of the post-op diet is that I'm not getting any nutrition. That will change in the second week. But there's not much for my body to feed on right now, which leads to extremely low energy levels.

Hopefully that will all change starting tomorrow when I can start pumping protein and other nutrients back into my body via whey, calcium and chewable multi-vitamins. I never thought I'd be so excited to "eat" soup. But after a week of sugar-free popsicles and jello, I'm ready (at least mentally) for something a little heavier.

The mental aspect of this is still a work in progress. You don't realize how many commercials for food are on the air until you're bedridden, can't eat, and television is your only form of entertainment. At this point I'm like a hound dog and can smell food from miles away, it seems. I have been amazed at how my ability to smell has drastically increased. Sometimes it makes me ravenous for food. Other times it makes me nauseous.

I'm not able to be around food at this point. The temptation is so high, as is the consequence. So I just try to sequester myself as much as possible. At dinner time I go to the bedroom. I'm very fortunate in that Jennifer has been very cognizant of this. For example, last night she cooked chicken nuggets, but only cooked small portions for her and the kids so there would be no left-overs. During the pre-op diet, she would cook, eat, and instantly clean the kitchen, leaving no left-overs for me to pick at.

She's been awesome during all this. I've asked for her patience during the next month or so. I'm sure as the nausea subsides, I'll be mighty damn cranky that I can't eat. I'm already going on almost a full month of liquid diet. Five more weeks of liquid and mush seems very intimidating at this point.

Physically, the wounds are healing nicely. I'm dealing with some nerve issues in my right leg that I think were caused by a few days of immobility on my back leading to a pinched nerve. I'm moving at about 85% speed right now.

Weight this morning: 398 (-43lbs)

Regards,
John

Day 6 - A Little Information

To this point, I haven't been very hungry since the operation. And it's a good thing.

• First week of post-op - Clear liquids only. I've been able to have sugar-free jello, sugar-free popsicles, chicken broth, beef broth, etc. I can have up to 6 "meals" a day that consist of 2oz of one of the "foods" listed above.

• Second week of post-op - Full liquids. Next week I can incorporate some milk, carnation instant breakfast, cream soups, sugar-free pudding, etc into my diet. The quantity also increases by an ounce or two as well.

• Third through sixth post-op weeks - Mush. I can have any food that is the consistency of baby food.

After the sixth week, I'll be able to start eating solid foods again.

Things I can never have again: Carbonated drinks and sugar. I'll have to carefully inspect all consumed foods for high sugar content. Consuming sugar with the bypass leads to some very unsavory results, the likes of which are called "dumping syndrome." Sounds awesome, doesn't it?

The reason for this crazy-ass diet is to allow the new pouch (the new holding tank for consumed food - about the size of an egg) to completely heal.

Talk about consequence. If I went off the deep end right now and ate a cheeseburger, it could very well kill me by exploding the new pouch.

The great thing about this diet is that it has significantly lowered by blood pressure, for which I was being medicated. Even on medicine, my BP would hover around 140/90. Every day since the procedure my BP has been below 120/80. The last few days it's been around 110/70.

Hopefully I'll be able to drop the BP meds for good. Of course this is after a consultation with my awesome family (literally) physician, Dr. Laura Lee Adams.

For those keeping score at home, that's two significant improvements in life so far. Much less joint pain and decrease in medications.

Thanks for all the support I've received since announcing the blog. It means a lot and helps me maintain more than you can imagine.

Regards,
The Vanishing Taylor

Day 5 - Getting Stronger

Good Saturday morning!

Usually my Saturday mornings would consist of a trip to a breakfast restaurant. Eggs. Lots of Bacon or Sausage. A few biscuits. Maybe some butter. Coca Cola, taken intravenously of course.

But that's no longer an option, as the food-holding space in my stomach has been shrunk by 98%. I'll type that again, just so you can have a proper appreciation for what this surgery is about. I can consume ~2% of the food I used to.

When I met with my nutritionist before the surgery, he asked a very important and proper question - "What will you fill the void with?" In other words, how will I fill the time I used to spend eating. My answer, halfheartedly because I knew it was the right answer but not what I wanted to do, was "exercise."

So getting off the duff is important. So instead of my breakfast bar extravaganza, I spent this morning walking. Walking at this point feels so nice. Just days ago I couldn't hardly move because of soreness and all the carbon dioxide gas from the procedure.

I was able to walk a mile. Something I haven't been able to do in a long time. Chronic ankle and knee problems have kept me from properly exercising, but the tide is now turning. No pain in the joints at all from this morning's excursion.

I surely won't lie and say it's as satisfying as a pile of bacon and biscuits. But it does feel good, and serves as a reinforcing example of how exercise will HAVE to be a big part of filling the void.

It's been 24 days since I began the pre-op diet. 5 days since the procedure (see image.) At this point I'm down to 404 from 441 on April 26th, 2011. 441 was my heaviest weight I've ever reached.

I can already feel a substantial difference in joint pain. Can't wait to feel life with 100 less pounds.

Regards,
John

What The Hell Have I Done?

"What the hell have I done?"

That was the main thought running through my mind Monday morning after waking up from surgery and having a nurse rip the catheter out of my hoo-hah.

The answer was simple. 3 years of failed diets, lifestyle realizations, and lots of contemplation had led me to this point. Gastric Bypass.

The process was started around 7 months ago. In order to get my insurance to pony up, I had to go on a trial diet, monitored by a licensed physician, for 6 months.

Shame. Defeat. Embarrassment. All words that describe emotions I've felt during the last few months. I felt like maybe I was taking the easy way out by electing to have this surgery. Well I can now say for certain fact, this sure as shit ain't the easy way.

Monday's procedure lasted about an hour and a half. The staff at Crestwood Hospital was fantastic (aside from the evil Nazi that waited until I came off anethesia to rip out the catheter from seemingly across the room.) The rest of Monday was lost in an awesome morphine haze.

Tuesday brought an early discharge from the hospital, an excruciatingly painful ride home, and intolerable pain throughout the day. By Tuesday night I was regretting the decision to have the procedure.

Thankfully, I awoke feeling much better Wednesday. I logged a half mile of walking and was feeling my oats. Today, Thursday, May 19th, has seen about the same level of improvement. I'm moving around on my own just fine, including arising from bed.

More to come later, including lots of pontificating on the past, and the inevitable task of dealing with more demons in the future.

Over the course of the next few months, I will be treating this blog as a journal for my weight loss efforts, including images as I settle into a new way of life.

I hope you will follow along and maybe find a little humor and inspiration along the way.

Cheers,
John