Day 184 - Happiness

It's now been six months since I went through with the decision to have bariatric bypass surgery.

I've had people ask me if I feel better.

"Better?" How do you quantify that?

For me, there are no words. I don't feel "better." I feel like a completely different person. I've rediscovered the youthful vigor I had in high school. My personality has returned to what it used to be when I was a kid (albeit a tad more cynical and not nearly as naive.) I don't physically struggle to do things now.

Over the weekend I was reflecting on how bad things used to be and how unhappy I was. I had a wife that loved me unconditionally. I had two beautiful children that were healthy. I had a home to live in and a job that compensated me well. With all those major life "things" right, I still felt wrong. I was horribly depressed because I knew how badly I looked. I knew how badly I felt. The lack of self-esteem was affecting every facet of my life.

These days, things are vastly different.


With regards to meds, I'm down to only a single pill a day (for thyroid). I've stopped the blood pressure medicine. I've stopped the acid reflux medicine. I no longer require anything for my joints.

Physically, I feel better than I have in more than a decade. I don't struggle to play with the kids. I have more energy these days to do more activities with them. I can stay up later without being tired. There are so many good things these days that I enjoy, including:

- Fitting into a booth comfortably.
- Having to cinch the seatbelt tighter than before
- Continuously having to buy a new pair of pants because the current pair is too big
- Walking tall
- Drilling new holes in my belt
- Ordering a new belt after drilling 3 or 4 new holes.
- The compliments
- The return of self-esteem
- My niece rejoicing because she can wrap her arms around me
- My kids sitting in my lap comfortably
- The added empty space between my lovehandles and the arms of my office chair.
- Eating such a small amount at restaurants that the owners come out and ask if you everything was ok.
- Getting in and out of the car effortlessly.
- Getting out of bed without pain.

The biggest change, however, is I feel normal again - physically and mentally. When I look in the mirror I see a big guy, not a fat ass. When I walk around in public places I don't feel like I'm constantly in the way.

"Better?" No. Normal. At last.

As a child, my Grandfather always told me to "put the icing on the cake." This was his lesson in finishing the job, and making sure all the details were completed. The correlation to food is amusing if not coincidental, but the lesson is not lost - even now. There is still much to be done.

There are goals not yet achieved.

And in our relentless pursuit of perfection, we discover our true selves.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

Weight this morning - 304lbs (-137lbs)

Regards,
The Vanishing Taylor