There are lots of great reasons why I seemed to have stopped losing weight, none of which are likely attributable to the change in diet. I have formulated theories from "water retention due to muscle soreness" (from the weight lifting) all the way to "I'm actually losing weight but adding muscle, making the scale stay the same."
No matter the reasoning, it was time to hit the reset button. I have become terribly addicted to seeing a new number on the scale, and the last month has been absolute hell on the psyche. Knowing that physically I'm giving it all I've got, but weighing each morning only to see nominal and sometimes negative results - well, that don't fly.
Last week I stopped exercising and focused solely on my food intake. Not only did I need to do this to kickstart the scale again, but I also needed to give my pouch a rest. We took a short vacation to Perdido Key for our 10th anniversary, and I enjoyed some fantastic food. But by the last day of our travels, I knew I had pushed the limits. After each meal I got terribly sick - a sure sign that I had angered my pouch.
Hitting reset last week and focusing on protein shakes, grilled chicken, and the many other staples that helped me lose over 100lbs worked perfectly. And last week yielded a 5-pound loss.
I will likely continue the same routine this week before I begin exercising again next week. I haven't walked in close to 3 weeks, and I miss it dearly. The overall goal here is a healthy body. So losing weight is only part of the solution. I understand the importance of building muscle. This combination of losing fat and adding muscle is what will help me obtain the overall BMI that I'm looking for. I just wish I could find the right balance of exercise that allows me to add muscle and magically still lose weight.
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It feels so great to dig through the closet and pull out shirts that I haven't worn in over a decade. Some shirts, given to me over the years, I've never worn. Even better is pulling out clothes I was wearing just 4 months ago and trying them on. I pulled out a hunting jacket last night that was nearly too small for me before surgery and it engulfed my new body. Likewise, I attended a wedding this weekend in a sports coat that used to be way too small and is now far too big.
Those little wins feed my need to lose more. At times it's difficult for me to remember this is a marathon and not a sprint. I'm so eager to get to the point where I feel "normal."
It's amazing how sometimes, mentally, I still feel as fat as I used to be. For example, when we dine out and the hostess sits us at a booth - I still feel that sense of anxiety wondering if I'll fit comfortably, despite the fact that I always do now. Sometimes I'll look at a shirt or jacket and think there's no way I'll fit in that, but once I try it on it fits perfectly. This is evidence that my mind hasn't quite caught up with the physical changes that have occurred over the last four months, despite the fact that I often look like a goober because I admire myself for so long in the mirror.
The biggest little issue facing me right now is my wedding ring. It's so loose that when my hands get even a little wet, it will come flying off at first movement. I could get it re-sized, but somehow that doesn't seem appropriate, at least for now. I still have a long way to go, and a constant reminder around my finger of where I've been will not hurt. So for now I'm going to tape the bottom until the ring is snug and move on with business.
As always, the outpouring of support and love is the bond that sustains me. I can't begin to express my gratitude toward my family and friends that have guided me through this endeavor. You mean more to me than words can say.
Weight this morning: 332 (-109lbs)
The Vanishing Taylor
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