Day 184 - Happiness

It's now been six months since I went through with the decision to have bariatric bypass surgery.

I've had people ask me if I feel better.

"Better?" How do you quantify that?

For me, there are no words. I don't feel "better." I feel like a completely different person. I've rediscovered the youthful vigor I had in high school. My personality has returned to what it used to be when I was a kid (albeit a tad more cynical and not nearly as naive.) I don't physically struggle to do things now.

Over the weekend I was reflecting on how bad things used to be and how unhappy I was. I had a wife that loved me unconditionally. I had two beautiful children that were healthy. I had a home to live in and a job that compensated me well. With all those major life "things" right, I still felt wrong. I was horribly depressed because I knew how badly I looked. I knew how badly I felt. The lack of self-esteem was affecting every facet of my life.

These days, things are vastly different.

Day 148 - The Baddest Battle Yet

When I began this process, I thought I had it all figured out.

I studied the various processes for several years. Read all the statistics. I talked to friends and family that had gone through different types of weight loss surgery.

I knew there would be challenges. Ups and downs of varying degrees. I knew there would be times when I would be discouraged.

I went into the surgery knowing all this, and planning for it in the future. I was determined to maintain a positive outlook. And I did so.

I've had great success. The surgery certainly did it's part, but I've also worked my tail off to both expedite the process and set a good routine to live by the rest of my life. My attitude has remained positive, even during those weeks where the scale doesn't seem to budge. I've continued to work hard, trying to focus on doing it right instead of the results.

What I didn't plan for was the battle of complacency.

Day 126 - Hitting the Reset Button

Back in early August, when I last met with my nutritionist, he recommended dropping carbs and implementing resistance training. Since I implemented those changes in my daily routine, my weight loss has slowed to a mind-numbing crawl.

There are lots of great reasons why I seemed to have stopped losing weight, none of which are likely attributable to the change in diet. I have formulated theories from "water retention due to muscle soreness" (from the weight lifting) all the way to "I'm actually losing weight but adding muscle, making the scale stay the same."

No matter the reasoning, it was time to hit the reset button. I have become terribly addicted to seeing a new number on the scale, and the last month has been absolute hell on the psyche. Knowing that physically I'm giving it all I've got, but weighing each morning only to see nominal and sometimes negative results - well, that don't fly.

Day 104 - Halfway There!

125 days after I started my pre-surgery diet, I've lost 101 pounds of fat.

On April 26th, when I filled out my pre-op paperwork at Crestwood Hospital in Huntsville, AL, I weighed in at 441. It's the heaviest I've ever been in my life, and the heaviest I will ever be. This morning, 125 days later, I weigh 340.

That puts me at 50% to goal weigh loss. I've told myself I want to make it to 240. My ultimate goal is 220, but I'd be ecstatic if I can hit 240.

The positive changes in my life are simply too numerous to list. I don't have the vocabularly to properly express how happy I am with my new life, and how hopeful I am for the future. The mental and physical transformation has been radical.

Day 87 - We're Going to Need a Bigger Boat

A few years before I was brought into this glorious world, wild-eyed Sheriff Brody realized in order to capture the big fish named Jaws, he was damn sure going to need a bigger boat.

The quote actually says a whole lot in a few words. It shows a determination to meet the goal whilst acknowledging weaknesses and devising a new plan.

Welcome to my world.

I took about five days off from exercising to contemplate the latest changes the nutritionist recommended. That break yielded the formulation of a new plan.

New Plan: Ignore the nutritionist.

Day 82 - Altering the Routine

So I've lost 85 pounds. I'm feeling more confident. Clothes fit better. My chest is poking out a little. The ego is inflated. All-in-all life is good right now.

There's nothing better to deflate a good ego trip than seeing a nutritionist.

Now, my nutritionist is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. He believes firmly in positive reinforcement, and is the type that can just about nice you to death.

Armed with last month's log of food intake, I marched into his office full of pride and 100% positive I was doing 90% right. :-)

As it turns out, my percentages may have been a little off.

Day 77 - The Emperor's New Clothes

"Ed! I'll be there. And I'm gonna look good."

So says a disheveled Ron Burgundy in the movie "Anchorman" as he's called back into action.

That's the way I've felt recently. After rummaging through some old smaller clothes and finding inspiration in a couple of things that fit really well, I decided it was time to throw away some old fat clothes and buy a few new things.

My pants had gotten to the point where the crotch was hanging down to my knees. I had to cinch my belt down so tight that the pants were punching up around the waist. I no longer felt comfortable because of the huge legs and baggy bottom. Most of my shirts were too big. As narcissistic as it may sound, I didn't feel like I could show off my progress as well in the baggy clothes.

So with a fresh payday in hand, I went shopping.

And I was greeted with much more inspiration.