Day 14 - Has It Only Been 2 Weeks?

Today I celebrate the end of the liquid diet by errrr...ummm...having a liquid protein shake for breakfast.

Now I enter Phase 3 of the post-op diet, which consists of pureed and soft foods.

It's now two weeks after the surgery and my body has hit a weight loss stall. I've done some research and this seems fairly common. The body is confused by new foods after practically being starved for a long period of time. It's trying to figure out how to stop using Glycogen here and there and start burning fat.

I'm fairly sure I'm hampering the process by not eating enough. That's right! Based on what I've read, I'm not eating enough. Right now that's basically because of the desire to eat the foods I'm allowed to - I not haz the desire. Regardless, the past few days I've eaten less than 400 calories a day. And I'm afraid I've sent the body into panic-save-all-you-got mode. The result on the scales has been a 4-day stall at the same weight.

That's freaking frustrating. My body absolutely refuses to give up the 50th pound. I told Jen this morning that I could stay the same weight without the damn surgery. That's just frustration talking, but nevertheless it is true.

Adding to the frustration is nagging leg problems. As I've mentioned before, my outter thighs are numb. The numbness is just sort of annoying. But after standing or walking for 20-30 minutes, the numbness becomes an excruciating burning sensation. I took the boy to Toys R Us Saturday and after browsing the store for about 40 minutes I had to limp back to the car the pain was so bad.

THAT'S stopping me from exercising, which is also hampering the weight loss efforts.

I've seen two doctors about it and they both say it's likely a pinched nerve, or perhaps even a slipped disc. There's nothing I can do at this point except to try to wait it out and hope it heals.

I got frisky Saturday night and decided to advance my diet by a few days. I browned some beef and grabbed some spaghetti sauce. I pureed it together, hoping to make something appealing to the palate. Instead I brewed a concoction that resembled dog vomit, and didn't smell far from it either. A few bites and I decided to abandon ship.

Thanks to my lovely wife, I had some mashed potatoes last night that hit the spot. God bless the potato. For I'm not sure how I would have made it this far without it.

Weight this morning - grrrrrr - 392 (-49lbs)

There's no pity party being thrown here. It's frustrating by I wasn't naive enough to think this would go perfectly. I'll get it figured out and until then I'll soldier on.

Regards,
The Vanishing (albeit slowly) Taylor

Day 11 - Some Relief

It seems as if I've fallen into a routine of getting heavy sleep about every third night. Last night was the third night and I slept like a log. The only thing I remember is rolling over every once in awhile because some body part had fallen asleep.

I'm in the same mindset I was in about a week ago - ready for the next phase. Starting Tuesday I can begin incorporating a mush diet. Foods have to be the consistency of baby food. It doesn't really sound that appealing, but I'm ready for something more than soup.

The hard part right now is that I feel healed. Thus, I feel hungry. The first week I hurt, and didn't have much of an appetite. I've had absolutely no negative experiences up to this point, and I'm ready to push forward a bit.

Today's Meals:
Breakfast - Carnation Instant with 1% milk
Lunch - Cream of Potato Soup
Supper - Stew, strained of all veggies (just the juice)
Snack (at some point) - Sugar-free pudding.

My mindset today is much better. I must really scowl when I'm in a bad mood. Never really realized that. But people are so much more responsive to me when I'm feeling good. This morning I had about 4 different strangers speak to me throughout the grocery store. It's amazing the difference a day makes.

Yesterday was the 1-month anniversary of the start of the liquid diet. It's a mean way to lose weight, but it's pretty hard to argue with the results. 46lbs in 30 days. 25lbs of the lost weight was before surgery.

I'd just like to say thanks once again to everyone who has been supportive. I've heard from so many classmates from Walnut Grove and Hazel Green, among other friends I've made over the years. Knowing I have people out there that are pulling for me helps more than words can describe.

Regards,
The Vanishing Taylor

Weight this morning: 393 (-48lbs)

Day 10 - Rough Day

I'm struggling with insomnia. I'm not sure at this time if it's due to the lack of nutrients for so long, or if this is just my body going through changes. Either way, it sucks.

The numbness in my thighs is becoming very annoying and even painful at points.

My job stability has been shaken in the last day or so. I work for a government contractor, and the programs I work for may or may not receive enough money to keep us funded after September.

In addition to that, we were rudely awakened last night by a sudden change in pressure in the house and wicked roaring wind outside. We could hear trees coming down all around us. Jen bolted out of bed to get the kids while I inspected (like a genius.)

All the meteorologists claim it was straight-line winds. But you'll never convince me that it wasn't a small tornado. One of our neighbors lost about a dozen legacy trees. Simply uprooted. Sounded like a train. No joke.

That event transpired at 12:45 AM. Needless to say I didn't sleep the rest of the night.

All of this, coupled with the fact that my hunger has finally returned, has made for a very stressful day. And of course now I can't turn toward food to fill my emotional needs. So today has sucked.

 And on top of all this crap, my weight stayed the same for the first time in almost a month. I'm sure it is the sudden introduction of sodium into my diet after not having any for so long.

I know this process isn't going to be perfect and there will be ups and downs. Today would classified as the latter.

But as Scarlett says, "Tomorrow is another day."

Weight this morning: 395 (-46lbs)

Day 9 - Righting the Ship

In 1999, while I was at the University of Alabama, I was hired as a web content manager by Randall Publishing. My boss, who would later become a lifelong friend, was a wily Australian named Darryl King. He was fresh off the boat. Really nice, witty, and sometimes misunderstood guy.

I would eventually become business partners with him in an upstart web development business. I left UA with 5 classes incomplete to start the business. Throughout our relationship over the years, he preached an unorthodox message of "writing your life's story." I always thought it was sort of stupid, after all God would determine where I went and what I did, right? Nevertheless, he stayed on me until I sat down and halfheartedly wrote some outlandish life goals.

It wasn't until 2008 that it all clicked. I wasn't happy with my life, despite having an awesome family, loyal friends, and a job that was secure.

It was truly time for me to write my life's story.

I identified the things in my life I wanted to change.

1. Finish my degree - Leaving UA without a degree was haunting me. I knew it was stupid to be so close and not "put the icing on the cake," as my wise grandfather might say.
2. Lose weight at all costs - My struggles have been fairly well documented in the last few days
3. Get back into church - I have had some bad experiences with church "family." I pray daily, have been saved, and try to live right. But I miss being part of a real church family.

Just like that, the "Taylor Improvement Plan" was born.

In the fall of 2009 I went back to school at UA. The first semester I was able to complete remotely through correspondence courses. But the second semester required me to travel to Tuscaloosa once a week for the entire semester. In May of 2010, I finally graduated. It was the first weight off my shoulders.

Obviously, the second chapter of improvement is now underway.

Soon we will be looking for a new church family to join. One that doesn't bicker and nitpick. One that just wants to worship the Lord and look after their brethren.

On Monday, I decided to expand the improvement plan by an additional chapter. I want to learn to play an instrument. Either the acoustic guitar or the banjo. I'm leaning toward the Banjo right now. As soon as I gain a little more range of motion, I'm going to try to find someone who gives lessons.

Have you written your life story? Are there things in your life you want to change?

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Now for the personal update.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would enjoy Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding as much as I did yesterday. That, coupled with some potato soup last night made for a nice change of pace from the Phase 1 clear liquid diet.

Right now I'm struggling to get enough protein. The nutritionist has recommended I intake 100gr of protein a day. Right now I'm struggling to see how that is mathematically possible given the limited quantities I can intake at a time. I'll eventually figure it all out.

In addition, I was finally able to get a little rest last night. Restless nights Sunday and Monday had my ass dragging by yesterday evening.

Blood pressure continues to be laughingly low. I had a blow up on the kids last night and thought it would be a good time to check it just to see if it had risen because of the incident. 112/72. :-)

Weight this morning: 395 (-46lb)

And last but not least, here is a video of one of my new favorite bands and one of their best songs. Stupid video, but great song. Hope you enjoy.

Day 8 - Taylor's Theory of Consequence

There were a lot of people in my life that didn't agree with my decision to have this surgery. So much so, that about a month after I made the decision to have the procedure, I simply stopped talking about it to people. Everyone had a wife's brother's cousin who had complications. Or some just thought I should toughen up and exercise to drop the weight.

Support wasn't necessarily through the roof, despite my studying the percentages and risks for nearly 3 years.

Here is my reasoning:

1.) Quality of life - My quality of life was at an all time low. I couldn't exercise because of joint pain and two blown out knees. Back pain was a daily issue. I struggled to get out of bed in the mornings. Yard work was a chore to physically complete. My job, which consists of mostly brain work behind a desk, would drain me so much physically that I struggled to stay up past 8pm. My mood swings were horrible.

Physically, I was a mess..

2.) Family history - In 2006 I watched helplessly as my dad laid in the Critical Care Unit of Huntsville Hospital, totally incapacitated and white as a corpse. He had some shortness of breath days before. The doctors did an arteriogram and my father died on the table. They were able to shock him to get his heart restarted, and a day later he had triple bypass. His left artery (the widow-maker) was 99% clogged. Had he had a heart attack, he would have died on the spot.

And he's certainly not the only person in my family with a history of heart disease. Basically every male over 60 has experienced heart issues.

In short, I was convinced I would die early because of heart disease brought on by super morbid obesity.

3.) Discipline - I don't have it. At least I don't have it without the presence of immediate consequence, thus the name of today's blog. With a diet, you can cheat a little here and there and not have to worry about a consequence, except maybe a little gain in your weight. The bigger consequence - death - is not immediate. "So what if I have a cheeseburger for lunch. It's not like it's going to kill me today."

When the threat of consequence is immediate, I have no issues with discipline. And with this procedure, death or serious debilitation is an immediate consequence to a bad food decision.

4.) My kids - The thought of my kids growing up without my mentor-ship shook me to the very foundation. I want to live long enough to watch them achieve their milestones and have a positive effect on their lives. I want to be fit enough to play with them for hours. I want to live long enough to share the values I've been taught by multiple generations of my family.

But most importantly, I want to set an example for them. I don't want them to end up with an obesity problem and have the struggles that I've had.

All of these realizations, coupled with years of failed diets led me to a point of equal parts desperation and hope.

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I'm still not totally convinced I've made the right decision, especially when I think about never being able to eat my mom's excruciatingly delicious homemade chocolate pie.

But I did what I thought was best, have no regrets, and now all I can do is try to prove the naysayers wrong.

Weight this morning: 396 (-45lbs)

Happy Phase 2 day to me! I will be celebrating with cream of potato soup and chocolate pudding all day.

More pics when I hit 390.

Cheers,
John

Day 7 - Getting Back To Normal

I'm back at work today. I'm going to try to work for awhile and see how long I can last.

One of the things about the first week of the post-op diet is that I'm not getting any nutrition. That will change in the second week. But there's not much for my body to feed on right now, which leads to extremely low energy levels.

Hopefully that will all change starting tomorrow when I can start pumping protein and other nutrients back into my body via whey, calcium and chewable multi-vitamins. I never thought I'd be so excited to "eat" soup. But after a week of sugar-free popsicles and jello, I'm ready (at least mentally) for something a little heavier.

The mental aspect of this is still a work in progress. You don't realize how many commercials for food are on the air until you're bedridden, can't eat, and television is your only form of entertainment. At this point I'm like a hound dog and can smell food from miles away, it seems. I have been amazed at how my ability to smell has drastically increased. Sometimes it makes me ravenous for food. Other times it makes me nauseous.

I'm not able to be around food at this point. The temptation is so high, as is the consequence. So I just try to sequester myself as much as possible. At dinner time I go to the bedroom. I'm very fortunate in that Jennifer has been very cognizant of this. For example, last night she cooked chicken nuggets, but only cooked small portions for her and the kids so there would be no left-overs. During the pre-op diet, she would cook, eat, and instantly clean the kitchen, leaving no left-overs for me to pick at.

She's been awesome during all this. I've asked for her patience during the next month or so. I'm sure as the nausea subsides, I'll be mighty damn cranky that I can't eat. I'm already going on almost a full month of liquid diet. Five more weeks of liquid and mush seems very intimidating at this point.

Physically, the wounds are healing nicely. I'm dealing with some nerve issues in my right leg that I think were caused by a few days of immobility on my back leading to a pinched nerve. I'm moving at about 85% speed right now.

Weight this morning: 398 (-43lbs)

Regards,
John

Day 6 - A Little Information

To this point, I haven't been very hungry since the operation. And it's a good thing.

• First week of post-op - Clear liquids only. I've been able to have sugar-free jello, sugar-free popsicles, chicken broth, beef broth, etc. I can have up to 6 "meals" a day that consist of 2oz of one of the "foods" listed above.

• Second week of post-op - Full liquids. Next week I can incorporate some milk, carnation instant breakfast, cream soups, sugar-free pudding, etc into my diet. The quantity also increases by an ounce or two as well.

• Third through sixth post-op weeks - Mush. I can have any food that is the consistency of baby food.

After the sixth week, I'll be able to start eating solid foods again.

Things I can never have again: Carbonated drinks and sugar. I'll have to carefully inspect all consumed foods for high sugar content. Consuming sugar with the bypass leads to some very unsavory results, the likes of which are called "dumping syndrome." Sounds awesome, doesn't it?

The reason for this crazy-ass diet is to allow the new pouch (the new holding tank for consumed food - about the size of an egg) to completely heal.

Talk about consequence. If I went off the deep end right now and ate a cheeseburger, it could very well kill me by exploding the new pouch.

The great thing about this diet is that it has significantly lowered by blood pressure, for which I was being medicated. Even on medicine, my BP would hover around 140/90. Every day since the procedure my BP has been below 120/80. The last few days it's been around 110/70.

Hopefully I'll be able to drop the BP meds for good. Of course this is after a consultation with my awesome family (literally) physician, Dr. Laura Lee Adams.

For those keeping score at home, that's two significant improvements in life so far. Much less joint pain and decrease in medications.

Thanks for all the support I've received since announcing the blog. It means a lot and helps me maintain more than you can imagine.

Regards,
The Vanishing Taylor

Day 5 - Getting Stronger

Good Saturday morning!

Usually my Saturday mornings would consist of a trip to a breakfast restaurant. Eggs. Lots of Bacon or Sausage. A few biscuits. Maybe some butter. Coca Cola, taken intravenously of course.

But that's no longer an option, as the food-holding space in my stomach has been shrunk by 98%. I'll type that again, just so you can have a proper appreciation for what this surgery is about. I can consume ~2% of the food I used to.

When I met with my nutritionist before the surgery, he asked a very important and proper question - "What will you fill the void with?" In other words, how will I fill the time I used to spend eating. My answer, halfheartedly because I knew it was the right answer but not what I wanted to do, was "exercise."

So getting off the duff is important. So instead of my breakfast bar extravaganza, I spent this morning walking. Walking at this point feels so nice. Just days ago I couldn't hardly move because of soreness and all the carbon dioxide gas from the procedure.

I was able to walk a mile. Something I haven't been able to do in a long time. Chronic ankle and knee problems have kept me from properly exercising, but the tide is now turning. No pain in the joints at all from this morning's excursion.

I surely won't lie and say it's as satisfying as a pile of bacon and biscuits. But it does feel good, and serves as a reinforcing example of how exercise will HAVE to be a big part of filling the void.

It's been 24 days since I began the pre-op diet. 5 days since the procedure (see image.) At this point I'm down to 404 from 441 on April 26th, 2011. 441 was my heaviest weight I've ever reached.

I can already feel a substantial difference in joint pain. Can't wait to feel life with 100 less pounds.

Regards,
John

What The Hell Have I Done?

"What the hell have I done?"

That was the main thought running through my mind Monday morning after waking up from surgery and having a nurse rip the catheter out of my hoo-hah.

The answer was simple. 3 years of failed diets, lifestyle realizations, and lots of contemplation had led me to this point. Gastric Bypass.

The process was started around 7 months ago. In order to get my insurance to pony up, I had to go on a trial diet, monitored by a licensed physician, for 6 months.

Shame. Defeat. Embarrassment. All words that describe emotions I've felt during the last few months. I felt like maybe I was taking the easy way out by electing to have this surgery. Well I can now say for certain fact, this sure as shit ain't the easy way.

Monday's procedure lasted about an hour and a half. The staff at Crestwood Hospital was fantastic (aside from the evil Nazi that waited until I came off anethesia to rip out the catheter from seemingly across the room.) The rest of Monday was lost in an awesome morphine haze.

Tuesday brought an early discharge from the hospital, an excruciatingly painful ride home, and intolerable pain throughout the day. By Tuesday night I was regretting the decision to have the procedure.

Thankfully, I awoke feeling much better Wednesday. I logged a half mile of walking and was feeling my oats. Today, Thursday, May 19th, has seen about the same level of improvement. I'm moving around on my own just fine, including arising from bed.

More to come later, including lots of pontificating on the past, and the inevitable task of dealing with more demons in the future.

Over the course of the next few months, I will be treating this blog as a journal for my weight loss efforts, including images as I settle into a new way of life.

I hope you will follow along and maybe find a little humor and inspiration along the way.

Cheers,
John